Diamond Minds By Barry Farber Dealing with Egos and Obstacles W e pass up or block many opportunities because they involve dealing with people whose oversized egos make us feel small… if we allow them to. And some of these people—the ones who act as if they are above us—aren't worth the trouble. In those cases, we're better oﬀ simply walking away. But sometimes we need their support—whether for a job, promotion, sale, or other opportunity. en our relationship with them is key to our own success. How can we handle the egomaniac and still get the results we want? away, trying to negotiate a deal to build a $7 million roller coaster in his name. "Barry," he asked, "what makes you qualiﬁed to represent me? What experience do you have in this arena?" "Evel," I replied, "I represented Jackie Mason for his live TV show. I sold the autobiography of Andy MacDonald, an eight-time skateboarding World Cup winner who has also won 19 X-Games medals." To which Evel replied: "Jackie Mason? He isn't even a has-been! And the only skateboarder I know is Tony Hawk, who's a pimple on my left toe!" People don't care how much you know until they see how much you care—about them. Don't get me wrong; there are times when a healthy ego, combined with grounded conﬁdence, can help us accomplish many things. I'm talking about people who are grandiose, whose outsized egos can stand in the way of our goals. ere's a smart way of dealing with these people—and it starts with listening to them. Let me show you what I mean through an example: I was on the phone with the daredevil Evel Knievel a few months before he passed At this point, I knew that the worst thing I could do was to get defensive—something I learned from martial arts. In karate when someone strikes you, if you block his strike you risk breaking or injuring your arm. Instead, you step to the side and let the attacker's energy pass along side you, giving you the option of redirecting or letting it go. Something else to keep in mind is that people don't care how much you know until they see how much you care… about them. You always get more ﬂies with honey than with vinegar. Barry Farber So I let Evel's comments comments go by. Instead of snapping back with something like, "Do you realize how many video games Tony Hawk sold?" I took a diﬀerent approach. "When I was thirteen, you were my idol," I told Evel. "I was sitting on the banana seat of my Schwinn Stingray bicycle, wearing my football helmet and ready to pedal down my street and jump over ﬁve garbage cans using a wooden ramp my father helped me build. It was the fall of 1973 and you were on ABC's Wide World of Sports, about to jump the Grand Canyon. I thought I was you when I was jumping those garbage cans." Without pausing, I concluded, "Today, it would be an honor to represent you." Evel responded by going on and on about his past jumps and deals. "Barry," he said, "when I made those jumps, I owned all that footage. Nobody was doing that…" I just listened. en we made the deal—and the Evel Knievel roller coaster was launched at Six Flags St. Louis in 2008. It doesn't matter what the challenge is, understanding how to handle people with large egos can make all the diﬀerence in business— and in life. Barry Farber consults with businesses to help them break through sales clutter and land more deals. He specializes in developing simple yet creative strategies that get results. He is the best-selling author of 11 books, a black-belt weapons expert, and a regular on QVC, marketing innovative products. His latest release is a 6-CD program, Diamond in the Rough (Nightingale Conant Corporation). Contact him at 973-535-9400 or firstname.lastname@example.org. V I C I N I T Y MAGAZINE'S HEALTH& E d u c a t i o n a l Series Beauty 973-276-1688 Dramatic, Minimally Invasive Laser Treatments for Varicose Veins & Body Sculpting Ommodolesed diam quisi. Unt irit la amconsenisl dip esse voluptat. 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Na consequam zzrit ut erat, sum dio odionsequi tat wis num ipit adigniamet prat nonulput accum nostrud ming ex el ut veraess equamet accum alisi eugait vent nonsecte enis euguer sent la facidunt dio ercil ipsum in vullamet iuscidunt luptatuero cor alis nim alissenisim zzrit, si te dolorem quat nos aciduisit wis num non hendips ustrud dolor sequamet elisl il ipsum iliquis augait vent praessissent laore cortionsecte volobore feugiametum zzriureet venim ercincipsum quipit wiscili smoloreet vent incidunt ut lore dunt in hendre venim am do con ut dolore vulpute tismodiam, vullandionse do consed eu facil ea feum num del delessit nulput luptat. Susci tat. To consed te magnibh el iusto cor Dr. GInA LouIS sum aute corem ip ea facin henisit augait verciliquat la facinit ilismod tie ming essi. Sectem num nibh ea conullute minibh eugue minisl eu facin utet, quis accum zzrit lortin henismo lestrud dunt ing eugiam, sequat. Ut laoreri uscidunt nonsequ atumsan dipisl exerat. Rilisl utatie tion utpat. 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